it's personal

#1: I'm just tired of the details. Teaching grows on me more and more as I like it less and less because of the details. It's tiring. Some days I just feel like it's all a fight... with students, teachers, parents. We're all on the same team. We all want the same thing. We want the kids to excel. We sometimes think that this is best achieved  in different ways. Sometimes what could be a friendly conversation because of mutual desires for the students become stressful. It's not worth it. I care about my students. I want them to succeed. I want to help them as I can. I also have a strong sense of justice. I want to do what is right. I want to stand before my Father and say that I did my best.

#2: I had a huge realization this past week. I've known that I wasn't wired like other Bible translator wanna-bees, but I've never considered that perhaps this is because God didn't make me to do Bible translation work. Then something else struck me. I've long thought of Bible translation as the highest goal. This is the daydream that interrupts even my devotions. It takes my focus off of God's Word. I do not want anything to get in the way of me knowing God and his Word. I want to do what is right in his sight. And so I wonder if I have allowed myself to be distracted by something that is "good" allowing what is "good" to take precedence in my thoughts over the One who is Good. What a painful admission...allowing my desire to "serve" God to be my idol. I want to desire God wholeheartedly. I want to hear his voice. God, change my heart and my mind to long for you above anything or anyone else.

if i were to live in the US...

Once in a while I have this crazy thought that I might end up living in the United States for a long time. Usually it seems more like a contingency plan, but once in a while I get an exciting idea of what it could be like. My present exciting idea is that I would like to have extra rooms in my home someday so that young people who needed a place to stay could come have a place to live. The need is there.

Perhaps it is not so overwhelming to think this way (that maybe I will end up in the US for a long time) because the second year of teaching is easier than the first. Or perhaps because though I long for purpose, I do not want to define what purposes God has for me. I want to fulfill his purposes. Now and in the future.

"God's Love"

A poem entitled "God's Love" by my little brother written February a year ago. I'm still amazed at his theology.

summer is in the air. success.

My heart races as I realize that the roses are blooming outside and the sky is finally blue. The rain is gone. I long to be. Be outside. I secretly wish I could play hookie tomorrow, and a little grin pushes up the sides of my mouth before I can control myself. I long to be done telling students to close their mouths and be silent. Pay attention. Finally I feel like I'm not behind in grading or lesson planning or that there surely must be something I'm behind in, and I must reign in my excitement and keep it simply at a sparkle in my eye or I may scare off the natives with my loud laughter. I might jump out up off the floor and start spinning. I want to paint my nails bright pink in celebration. Why have I not been swimming yet? When was the last time I saw the stars? Reckless joy fills me. Content and more. Excited. Eager. Ecstatic. Proud. School is nearly out. Done. My first year of teaching.

brennan manning again

"A little child cannot do a bad coloring; nor can a child of God do bad prayer."